Listen.
I am a huge supporter of you being a healthier you. If you need to lose weight to accomplish that, I will be your cheerleader and cheer you on. Every pound I will celebrate with you. If you are a healthy you and are content in your skin, I celebrate with you, too.
However, if your mentality is like the one above, where your weight and size, no matter what it is, controls your thoughts and dictates your plans, and you are living in a holding pattern, then stop. Just stop.
Like above states, call a truce with your body. Exist in it where you are. Live in it where you are. Embrace it, become confident in it, become friends with it. Once you get to love her for who she really is, you may find that it will be easier to navigate the life you wanted to live with her. I've witnessed a person who let the diet culture define everything about who she was. And while it's not my story to tell, I can account for so many things she missed in life because she identified herself as her body weight and neglected to see her body as the strong, amazing machine that it is. She identified so grossly with her body weight that it effected things I did as a plus size woman too, as her Debby-downer words resonated so loudly in my ears at times that I, too, missed out on adventures; I listened to her spoken assumptions of plus-size inabilities and I embodied them.
You can be healthy at many weights. You can be strong at many weights. Your body can be flexible, and can adapt to any changes you need to make in order to be healthy. You have to believe it. Be healthy...physically and mentally. That's my entire point.